A couple of weeks ago I had a natal chart reading. And for any of you who are au fait with astrology, I am a Pisces sun and moon, with a Sagittarius ascendant. A real paradox of a personality type. I have a desperate, insatiable need to know and experience all the things, but I am also at risk of floating away and getting so lost in my own head I may never find my way out again.
The whole reading was frighteningly accurate and I’m planning to watch the recording again and take some more detailed notes to really dig into myself and any opportunities I can make the best of. I originally booked a reading because I’ve been feeling stuck for a long time. Something I’ve mentioned in previous letters. Not feeling particularly happy or settled but not really knowing what I want to be doing instead or which direction I should take. I’ve been stuck in this funk for at least three years now. The pandemic most likely contributing in a big way as everything I knew and that kept me steady was swept out from under my feet. Since then, I feel like I’ve been on an endless rollercoaster of change and upheaval, with no end in sight. Sometimes I feel like I’m being dragged along, having minimal input and certainly no motivation to change the course of this roiling river I’ve been swept up in.
The crux of the reading was that, essentially I need to go back to school. But I have a choice in which direction to take. And I’m interested to get your thoughts, opinions and suggestions on this too. The options are…
Pursue writing - Perhaps taking a creative writing course or similar. Something serious, for serious(ish) writers.
Go into counselling or psychotherapy of some description - I have already been investigating spiritual counselling options but I’m keeping everything open as I try to navigate the choppy waters to find where my heart truly lies.
Can I combine the two in some way?!
I’ve been sitting with these options for a little while and I’m still no clearer. I love to write, and I enjoy it. But I also love to help people. As it stands, neither option is jumping out, and neither one feels like the safer bet. My heart isn’t pulling me in any specific direction right now, and maybe that means that the only path to take is straight down the middle. But what does that mean?! I think perhaps the answer is not to rush into anything, but with that I also run the risk of decision paralysis. Something I really struggle with. Ultimately the choice is mine to make. I can always change my mind, right?
Currently
Reading
Still working my way through From Blood and Ash. It’s a slow burn, but I feel like we’re starting to get somewhere, and I’ll be onto the next book very soon!
Watching
Tom and I have been watching all sorts of things, OMITB, James May’s ‘Oh Cook!’ but we absolutely love watching Hazen Audel’s Primal Survivor. He’s in Laos this time, and what a beautiful country!
Listening to
Yesterday I had the best time singing to a load of Adele classics at the top of my lungs whilst I cooked dinner. Tom was out, and I’m sure he was absolutely devastated to miss my solo concert…He’s also been lucky enough to have been serenaded with my rendition of LeAnn Rimes’ How do I live in the car on the way back from Oxford.
Loving
This first whisper of Autumn. My favourite season. F1 picnics in the living room. Hearing the rain hit the skylights and feeling oh so cosy. Takeshi’s Castle. Wearing pyjamas all day, just because. Seeing the first conkers fall and the leaves start to change. Spending time with good friends at the yard in the evening sunshine.